When I was researching quotes for the last blog I ran into another one:

"Happiness is when what you think, what you say, and what you do are in harmony." - Mahatma Gandhi 

This quote reminded me of a simple tool that everyone can use to try to experience more happiness or change negative emotions into positive emotions.

In the past I have explained a little bit about cognitive behavioral therapy. Here is a different explanation that will also help you to manage moods, thoughts and behaviors as well. Below is a visual explanation.


















On top is our thoughts. Those are typically that is most noticeable when trying to understand what is going on. Our thoughts are so powerful and create a filter that affects how we see everything and as a result, how we feel. On the bottom of the triangle is feelings and behaviors, which again, are affected by our thoughts as well. Everything is all related to one another 

To put it all together here is an example that everyone might be able to relate to. You walk into a room by yourself and see everyone congregating in the corner and talking. When you walk closer the conversation stops. Two options are possible - One: Most people often jump to the conclusion that "They are talking about me. They are saying negative things about me. They don't like me. I should leave." Those are the automatic negative thoughts that often happen. The resulting feelings can be inferior, alone, afraid, and worthless. The behavior that can result is you stand there and not participate in the conversation or you might even listen to yourself leave. 

The second possibility is you can change the automatic negative thoughts that are happening. Instead of thinking negatively you can think something like this "They want to include me in the conversation. They were waiting for me. I can just jump in to this conversation too. I am happy to be here." The feelings from these thoughts are the exact opposite of what happened with the negative thoughts - happiness, excitement, and joy. The behavior that happens is probably smiling, engaging with other people and being outgoing. 

We have absolutely no evidence to support any of our negative thoughts, so the best way to go will always be positive so you don't have to miss our on a perfectly good opportunity! 

The best part about the triangle is that it can be flipped. Any side can be on top and any of the three parts can be changed in order to change your feelings, thoughts and behaviors. Relating this back to the quote - you really do need all of them to be aligned in order to feel true happiness and be able to change your whole being to be more positive.  

Self-talk is our steady stream of thoughts that happen in your head. It's those thoughts while you're not speaking; it's the dialogue or statements going on in your head. Self-talk can be positive or it can be negative. Hopefully you have more positive self-talk than negative self-talk, but most times that is not the case.

Negative self-talk specifically is related to the automatic negative thoughts that we might have about ourselves or the immediate response in our head after something has happened to us. It's the "Oh no, s/he thinks I'm an idiot. I'm starting to feel sick about this." Or even further and in the deepest part of our mind "I'm worthless and no one cares about me." This can originate from something we might have heard from others or past experiences. It also tends to be repeated often.

I found a brilliant quote the other day about self-talk - "You've been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't work. Try approving yourself and see what happens." - Louise Hay. This is exactly what needs to happen. Give yourself a break and credit for the good things that you do! Start turning these negatives into positives and help build up things such as self confidence and self-esteem. 

One challenge that you can do it look at yourself in the mirror. Practice repeated statements over and over again such as the ones below. If you can, give a different example each time that you try it. 

1. I am a strong person. I was strong when ... 
2. I am capable of being happy. A time when I was truly happy was ...
3. I am a good (friend, mother, sibling, spouse, etc.) A time when I was this was ...
4. I am capable of making decisions myself. A time I made a good decision was ...
5. I am lovable. People who love me without hurting me are ...
6. I am talented. One thing I am good at is ...
7. I have strengths. One of my many strength is ... 

There are several positive statements that might fit yourself, so speak to what fits your current negative self-talk. The most important part is saying it out loud. Not just in our head. Saying it out loud will help you start to believe it by putting it out there. Watching yourself is also important to gauge your own response and see the smile that it hopefully brings out in you and a positive change that you can make for yourself. 

Be nice to yourself, you're the only you there is and often times we're our worst critics.