Now that we are approaching the end of the holiday season, it is always important to remain grateful - especially for your mental health. Several sources, have identified why it is so important to have that attitude of gratitude and the number of benefits that it might lead to. I have listed 8 below. 

1. Gratitude can help build relationships. Thanking people leads to more ongoing and longer-lasting relationships. It can also build more opportunities in a work environment.

2. Gratitude can improve physical health. According to an article in Forbes, gratitude is proven to decrease aches and pains.

3. Gratitude will always improve mental health. Gratitude can help you to manage your emotions by increasing happiness and decreasing feelings of depression or sadness.

4. Gratitude can help you sleep better. As seen in the same article in Forbes, spending 15 minutes before bed can can help you sleep longer and better.

5. Gratitude improves self-esteem and self-confidence. Focusing more on others and being more appreciative actually takes the focus off of yourself which increases and builds self-confidence.

6. Gratitude increases your lifespan. Due to all the physical and mental benefits, being more grateful can actually lengthen and add years to your life. 

7. Gratitude can help build energy levels. People who are more grateful tend to have more energy, exercise more and give you that extra boost that you may be in need of.

8. Gratitude is linked with a better immune system. An article in Huffington Post identifies research through WebMD that states gratitude will help you be more healthier overall and help fight diseases.

10 Reasons Why Gratitude Is Healthy
The 31 Benefits of Gratitude You Didn't Know About: How Gratitude Can Change Your Life
7 Scientifically Proven Benefits Of Gratitude That Will Motivate You To Give Thanks Year-Round



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According to a statistic done by the National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI), about 64% of people experience Holiday Blues at some point, 24% of them experience major Holiday Blues. It's ok to be that person! Just because it's the holidays, does not mean everything will be perfect. People experience Holiday Blues for several reasons: extra stress, loneliness because you are alone or unable to be with family, less sunlight, too much alcohol at parties, etc.

What are symptoms of Holiday Blues? It is very similar to depression, but more temporary. Symptoms can be fatigue, tension, frustration, feeling loneliness or isolation, sadness, a sense of loss, and a lack of energy. 

However short term, taking care of the Holiday Blues is incredibly important. Below is a list of 10 things you can do to manage your Holiday Blues.

1. Acknowledge your feelings! Don't ignore them.
1. Keep a regular routine.
2. Getting enough sleep.
3. Self-care and taking time for yourself whatever that may be.
4. Drink alcohol in moderation.
5. Exercise - such as taking a short walk.
6. Keep reasonable expectations for holiday activities like cooking, gifting, and partying.
7. Listen to music that boosts your mood.
8. Use relaxation techniques.
9. Reach out to appropriate supports that might be nearby or connect with those often that are too far.
10. Learn how to say no to things.

Useful links below:
Managing Holiday Blues - NAMI
Holiday Stress Management - Mayo Clinic
Holiday Blues - Huffington Post

With Halloween approaching I thought it might be appropriate to discuss the "masks" that we all tend to wear. We have several types of masks that we put on and switch out, normal and appropriate for certain environments but also some that might be hurtful to us. 

It's completely exhausting to pretend to be something you are not. One mask is when we are trying to be different than who we really are. I discussed this in my previous video blog. But there are a few other masks that I would like this blog to focus on. 

Masked happiness frequently covers up our sadness, anxiety, fears, and/or hopelessness. This is when our outside appearance and demeanor suggest that we are feeling happy and that things are going well. On the inside, our feelings are something entirely different and opposite. Another mask is that of anger or irritation that might also cover the same type of thing as well as our insecurities. Anger is a defense mechanism that prevents people from getting inside and likewise happiness can be just a facade of protection. 

It's hard to show our true selves and let others see our weaknesses. How will they respond? Will it be positive? Will it be more hurtful? Some of us might have experiences that have given us a bad example to go off of, and others are just afraid of what responses might happen.

The best way to start taking off our masks? Starting to process your emotions that are underneath and that you are hiding from others. Whether that might be in therapy, or possibly with one support person whom you feel you can start developing a trusting relationship with. Never let these emotions go without some type of processing because building up over time can lead to other more severe mental health issues or break downs.

You can also help others by being that one trusting person. Be who you want others to be for you. By doing that then hopefully you can even create a mutually trusting relationship between you and someone else. Be kind, be open, and be a good listener. 

"Masks" - Unknown Author

Don’t be fooled by the face I wear, for I wear a thousand masks, and none of them are me.
Don’t be fooled. For God’s sake don’t be fooled. 
I give you the impression that I’m secure, that confidence is my name and coolness my game.
And that I need no one. But don’t believe me. 
Beneath dwells the real me in confusion, in aloneness, in fear. That’s why I create a mask to hide behind, to shield me from the glance that knows,
but such a glance is precisely my salvation. 
That is, if it’s followed by acceptance, if it’s followed by love.
It’s the only thing that can liberate me from my own self-built prison walls.
I’m afraid that deep down I’m nothing and that I’m just no good, and that you will reject me. 
And so begins the parade of masks. I idly chatter to you. I tell you everything that’s really nothing and
nothing of what’s everything, of what’s crying within me. 
Please listen carefully and try to hear what I’m not saying.
I’d really like to be genuine and spontaneous, and “me.”
But you’ve got to help me. You’ve got to hold out your hand. 
Each time you’re kind and gentle, and encouraging,
each time you try to understand because you really care, my heart begins to grown wings, feeble wings, but wings. 
With your sensitivity and sympathy, and your power of understanding,
you alone can release me from my shallow world of uncertainty. 
It will not be easy for you. The nearer you approach me, the blinder I may strike back
but I’m told that Love is stronger than strong walls,
and in this lies my only hope. 
Please try to beat down these walls with firm hands, but gentle hands, for a child is very sensitive. 
Who am I, you may wonder.
I am every man you meet, and also every woman that you meet, and I am you, also. 

All of us deal with many stressors on a daily basis. Some stressors are more difficult to handle than others. On occasion, we lose control and enter a downward spiral; our stress seems to be too much to handle. For those times when your stressors are overwhelming, here is an activity that will help you see you have more control than you think.

1. Get a sheet of paper

2. Draw a line down the middle of your paper

3. On the left side write a list of your stressors. Below are some examples.

a.     Finances
b.     Relationship difficulties
c.     Household tasks such as cooking, cleaning
d.     Work stress
e.     Health related issues
f.      Etc…

4. Look at your list and circle the ones that you can control

Not much to circle is there? Most people find that very few stressors are really within their control. A lot of our stressors happen and are completely out of our control.

5. On the right side of your paper write at least one coping skill/problem solving skills or ways you can handle each stressor you wrote on the left side. An example is below.

a.     Learn to budget, keep practicing, don't give up when if it doesn't work out the first time
b.     Set boundaries, walk away
c.     Make a plan or check list, take breaks
d.     Take breaks and get up to stretch
e.     Go to appointments, take medication as directed, relaxation tips
f.      Etc…

6. Now circle what you can control.

All of them right? The purpose of this exercise is to take control of your stress and understand that it doesn't have to be completely overwhelming. While the events may be out of your control, there are elements of each stressor you can control again.

Did this turn things back in your favor? Hopefully this gives you more power over your stressors and gives you a little more hope when dealing with stressful situations. I have personally completed this activity many times and feel a little more relieved each time about my stressors. Repeat this activity as often as you need because stressors change all the time as well as coping skills.

Take control of your stress, don’t let it control you!

And p.s. You CAN do it! 

My first ever video blog! Learn about how to spend quality time with children to decrease things such as problem behaviors and other mental health symptoms.

Today is the last day of Child Mental Health Awareness Week. Mental health awareness is important because stigmas still exist about mental health, especially regarding children. A lot of children and adults never receive the care they need. Here are 7 myths about child mental health taken from Child Mind Institute author Harold Koplewicz, MD.  

1. A child with a psychiatric disorder is damaged for life.

This is absolutely not true. If anything they become better because as a parent or guardian, you have recognized something that they can get treatment for. The goal of treatment is learn to cope effectively so they can handle mental health symptoms as they appear.

2. Psychiatric problems result from personal weakness.

Some mental illness is genetic and some mental illness occurs as a result of difficult situations experienced. Sometimes mental health symptoms appear as weaknesses such as aggressiveness, self-harm, etc when in fact it is what it is - mental illness. Telling children or teenagers to "just stop" or "behave" is not help at all. There needs to be a more personalized treatment in place.

3. Psychiatric disorders result from bad parenting.

Occasionally a child's environment can influence a mental illness but it does not necessarily mean it caused it directly. As mentioned above, there is that element of biology and genetics also involved in the development of a mental illness. Don't blame yourself, instead take the opportunity to be directly involved in treatment and begin to be a part of the solution and change.

4. A child can manage a psychiatric disorder through willpower.

The management of a mental illness or psychiatric disorder is about teaching skills in therapy. Willpower is not one of those skills. If it was that easy, mental illness would not exist. A physical illness requires medication and appropriate care. Mental illness is the exact same way.

5. Therapy for kids is a waste of time.

The most important aspect of therapy is in the relationship between the clinician and the patient. The next most important part is in the technique. Therapy is most often personalized to the client after the therapist decides an an appropriate approach. If you feel like something is not working for you or your children, let the clinician know and they can make a referral to someone else. Therapists want their patients to succeed, not feel that it is a waste of time. Therapy will not be a waste of time if it helps effectively manage mental health symptoms.

6. Children are overmedicated.

Currently I still work in an acute care setting as well as manage an outpatient practice. I can personally attest to the fact that the physicians at the hospital do not use medication first. Medication is another resource and avenue to explore after parents have come in and feel that they have explored other opportunities first. We generally recommend outpatient therapy and learning appropriate skills before turning to medication. Medication is appropriate at times but does not have to be the first option.

7. Children grow out of mental health problems.

The original article said this well, "Children are less likely to grow out of psychiatric disorder than they are to grow into more debilitating conditions." Most people unfortunately do not "grow out" of mental health problems. Some may, but most times mental illness is something that ebbs and flows. It would be more unfortunate for a child to never obtain treatment and learn skills to manage their illness and have worse problems later in life.

Click here for original article.

At the beginning of the week I posted a great article about just playing with children. According to a study done by Kansas State University, children do actually learn through playing with their parents. Children can learn about courage, learn they are capable, learn to connect and learn to count.

It's important as parents to spend that one on one time with them without devices and without interruptions so they will be happier and develop into a "mentally healthy adult."

In the spirit of summer coming up, I found several very interesting activities you can do with your children at home! Check out my pinterest page entitled "Kids Stuff" to see activities such as filling eggs with paint and throwing them at canvas, making moon sand, doing ice chalk during the summer, flight school, and sharpie dishes. Important activities with your kids are such that inspire creativity, imagination, and possibly cooperation with others or independent worked. Please leave comments of activities you enjoy with your kids! 

Pinterest page: https://www.pinterest.com/candycane881/kid-stuff/

Referenced article: http://psychcentral.com/news/2015/04/19/improve-parenting-skills-by-remembering-how-to-play/83720.html#.VTWP4NxR_So.facebook

Child abuse is still prevalent in our society today. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. As a social worker, especially one working with children, I feel it is my job to help with awareness to educate and continuously build families. Families are the base of a child's support system and most important when preventing child abuse. Sometimes abuse is unintentional and unseen by us, but obvious to our children who are very sensitive to our acts as parents.

Here are six protective factors we can all focus on to help build our families as identified by the child welfare office. Learning protective factors and making sure we make necessary changes in the home if these things aren't present is important to the prevention of child abuse. 

Nurturing and Attachment
            Show how much you love each other every day by smiling, hugging, listening and talking. Engage in regular activities with your children and become involved in their life. Kids notice your involvement in all aspects of their life.

Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development
            Learn new things about children and learn new things about parenting. Ask questions and subscribe to appropriate info sources. Share what you learn when you learn something new. It also wouldn’t hurt to take parenting classes. I’m the first to admit that I’ve never been a parent before and I need a lot of help! It’s ok to need help sometimes.

Parental Resilience
            Learn to bounce back from challenges. Learn appropriate coping skills for yourself. Take time for yourself to re-energize, share feelings, gain support systems and participate in activities such as exercising.

Social Connections
            Fine people who provide emotional support. Such connections can be neighborhood or church attendants, play groups, or other support groups. Keep yourself connected. Don’t feel like you have to parent by yourself. 

Concrete Supports for Parents
            Meet day to day needs or know where to find help if needed. As I just mentioned, know that you don’t have to parent alone. If you need help find appropriate help from a professional. Find professional support in your areas by calling 2-1-1.

Social and Emotional Competence of Children
            Children need to know they are loved and know they belong. Children also need to learn to get along with others. Regular routines, encouraging problem solving and teaching the importance of feelings and such ways for children to gain this competence.

For more information please visit Children's Bureau's website