Candace Sam, LICSW
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How to Build Self Confidence

12/6/2015

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I think this video is absolutely brilliant. I really couldn't have said it any better myself. No matter how "damaged" or "ruined" we are, our self-worth is always going to be the same. But sometimes it doesn't feel like that. There are times where everybody will experience a low self confidence or self-esteem. Here are just 5 easy steps to build your self confidence next time you are feeling down.

1. Make a list of your strengths. This is one of the hardest questions that I always have to ask people when they are at their lowest, but no doubt everyone is able to find at least one strength every time I ask. Identify at least one, and if you're having trouble finding more talk to a trusted support person and ask them what they think your strengths are.

2. Challenge your negative thoughts. Frequent negative thoughts are "Nobody likes me" or "I don't do anything right." Really? Nobody? Anything? Those are all absolutes and absolutely untrue. Go back to your list, find your strengths and then again, identify those trusted supports because they will be there as well.

3. Dress up or in clothes that make you feel good. Maybe it's not always about dressing up, but feeling comfortable. Do what it is that will make you comfortable in your own skin.

4. Do something that you enjoy. Take a break and focus on yourself. What is it that makes you happy? A TV show, reading, cooking, talking a walk? That 15 or more minutes that you spend on yourself will do you wonders.

5. Do  something nice for someone else. Believe it or not, turning our focus from ourselves to someone else is actually going to be the most helpful for you. It brings about true happiness and true feelings of self-worth. The joy of helping someone else cannot be faked and it is something that will last much longer than even some of the skills above.

Health is the greatest possession. Contentment is the greatest treasure. Confidence is the greatest friend. —Lao Tzu
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Be Yourself - Disney and Mental Health

10/14/2015

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Quotes!

8/18/2015

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Sometimes it takes something simple to make our changes! Here are 10 great quotes to help build yourself and your mental health. 


"Why fit in when you were born to stand out?" - Dr. Seuss



"You can't start the next chapter of your life if you are re-reading the last one."

"To be yourself in a world that is constantly trying to make you something else is the greatest accomplishment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

"You are confined only by the walls you build yourself."

"Worry is like a rocking chair, it will give you something to do, but it won't get you anywhere." - Vance Havner

"Life is like photography. We develop from the negatives."

"Every strike brings me closer to the next home run." - Babe Ruth

"Look in the mirror... that's your competition."

"The problem is not the problem. The problem is your attitude about the problem." - Captain Jack Sparrow


"We become what we think about." - Earl Nightingale
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Positive Self-Talk Challenge

8/5/2015

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Picture
Image courtesy of Stuart Miles/FreeDigitalPhotos.Net
Self-talk is our steady stream of thoughts that happen in your head. It's those thoughts while you're not speaking; it's the dialogue or statements going on in your head. Self-talk can be positive or it can be negative. Hopefully you have more positive self-talk than negative self-talk, but most times that is not the case.

Negative self-talk specifically is related to the automatic negative thoughts that we might have about ourselves or the immediate response in our head after something has happened to us. It's the "Oh no, s/he thinks I'm an idiot. I'm starting to feel sick about this." Or even further and in the deepest part of our mind "I'm worthless and no one cares about me." This can originate from something we might have heard from others or past experiences. It also tends to be repeated often.

I found a brilliant quote the other day about self-talk - "You've been criticizing yourself for years and it hasn't work. Try approving yourself and see what happens." - Louise Hay. This is exactly what needs to happen. Give yourself a break and credit for the good things that you do! Start turning these negatives into positives and help build up things such as self confidence and self-esteem. 

One challenge that you can do it look at yourself in the mirror. Practice repeated statements over and over again such as the ones below. If you can, give a different example each time that you try it. 

1. I am a strong person. I was strong when ... 
2. I am capable of being happy. A time when I was truly happy was ...
3. I am a good (friend, mother, sibling, spouse, etc.) A time when I was this was ...
4. I am capable of making decisions myself. A time I made a good decision was ...
5. I am lovable. People who love me without hurting me are ...
6. I am talented. One thing I am good at is ...
7. I have strengths. One of my many strength is ... 

There are several positive statements that might fit yourself, so speak to what fits your current negative self-talk. The most important part is saying it out loud. Not just in our head. Saying it out loud will help you start to believe it by putting it out there. Watching yourself is also important to gauge your own response and see the smile that it hopefully brings out in you and a positive change that you can make for yourself. 

Be nice to yourself, you're the only you there is and often times we're our worst critics.
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