Divorce is a pretty serious issue. Children are likely to suffer and experience negative consequences due to divorce. Handling divorce and the situation carefully can build a child's resilience and ability to bounce back.

4 tips when you decide to tell your kids about divorce:

1. Plan ahead. Plan what you're going to tell your kids, how and possibly even where. This isn't something that you can just talk about at any time. As much as possible be united and talk with your co-parent.
2. Tell everyone together. There should be no secrets left out from other family members. Leaving one child out could possibly make them seem like it was their fault in some way. It can also lead to dividing the family even further. Answer all questions that they might ask and be curious about. This is a big change for kids.
3. Let kids react in their own way. Some kids might be upset immediately, some might even be happy that the fighting is over, or other kids might not have a reaction at all. This kind of information takes time to process and they will process it when they are ready. If they are angry, let them be angry and express their feelings rather than having to hold it in. 
4. Make sure your kids know that it is not their fault. Tell them the truth. You will have to adapt language to appropriate developmental age, but keep it simple and honest. Again, remind them that parents don't get divorced from kids, only from each other.

4 tips for handling divorce and making the smoothest transition possible:
1. Afterwards be as much of a team as possible as parents. Take co-parenting classes and be as cooperative as you possibly can for your children. Fighting in front of them can have lasting consequences and involving them in any of these issues and making them side with one parent over another is completely inappropriate. Your kids want you both in their life as much as possible. They don't want to be messengers for the other parent and they certainly don't want to hear negative things about the other parent. This might be very difficult but will be completely worth it in the long run to decrease other negative effects of divorce on kids.
2. Create a regular routine immediately so your children can start to adjust to the changes.
3. When time has passed monitor your children. Listen to them with their thoughts and questions. Look for signs of depression afterwards such as behavioral issues and outbursts, grades falling, isolating, etc. Take them to a licensed therapist who can help them through this process. 
4. Not only with your children, but take care of yourself. Kids are incredibly sensitive to their parents feelings and mental health. Even the youngest children are aware that something is wrong. Get help yourself as well! Find support of friends, take part in regular self-care to boost your mood and mental health or possibly see a licensed therapist as well.

Resources:

Mom and Dad Have Something to Tell You
Children and Divorce
9 Things to Consider
How Can Divorce Affect My Kids?
Helping Kids Through Divorce
Age by Age Guide to Children and Divorce

The school year is quickly approaching again! This was the most exciting time of the year for me as a child, but starting a new school year can also be very anxiety provoking for a lot of kids. Here are 12 tips to hopefully make that transition as smooth as possible for your kids.

1. Ask about their feelings. Are they happy, excited, scared, nervous? Ask questions and really listen to their school experience. Empathize with them where appropriate and reflect and repeat back what they are saying. Understand where the struggles might be so you can step in where needed.
   
   
2. Meet the new teacher if possible before school starts. Most teachers will be absolutely thrilled and excited to schedule a 1:1 session with their kids. This will help to ease a child into a new school year and ease the anxiety and tension they might be experiencing. They can familiarize themselves with their new surroundings and get that comfort before the first day. 
   
   
3. Normalize the nervousness. Everyone gets nervous before the first day of school. Even the kids the love it, still get nervous. It's the fear of the unknown about your teacher, the other students, the work, the environment - completely normal! Most kids worry they are the only ones experiencing this though and are afraid to talk about it.  
   
   
4. Share your own experiences. This relates directly back to the previous statement. Share your own experiences with them and times when you might have been nervous as well. Sometimes it helps to hear how someone else might have handled the situation.
   
   
5. Find someone that might be in their class. If possible find them a friend. This might be possible in your meeting with the teacher. Find a class list and find someone that you can have them meet. Or if you're lucky enough, someone they know and are comfortable with themselves. It helps to face something new if you've got a friend by your side. 
   
   
6. Find an appropriate “good bye.” Often times "good bye" can be a trigger for kids. It seems so final. For those anxious kids it might be better to say "see you later" or even more specifically "see you at 3." 
   
   
7. If possible walk them directly in the first day. This is clearly meant for younger children. If at all possible, walk them in directly and that cuts down on the anxiety that happens in the mornings with all the chaos of other children and not knowing what you're supposed to do on the first day.
   
   
8. Let them pick their own school supplies. School was by far the best part of getting ready for school. I got to pick my own things and build my own confidence through being an individual. Letting them be directly involved in the process helps get them more comfortable as well as builds confidence.
   
   
9. Facilitate independence. By this I mean be more of a parent facilitating problem solving rather than problem fixing. Don't be the parent that jumps in to fix things, help them identify possible solutions to their problem and pick the best answer for them. Jumping in, especially with school problems, is a natural response but kids need to build their skills and learn to be independent. 
   
   
10. Don't cry at drop off. As a parent, we all experience the natural sadness of a child growing up and realizing they don't need us as much anymore. Our emotions and crying at drop off can actually cause more anxiety for your children who are very sensitive to parent needs and feelings. It's ok to cry, just wait until after they've gone.
    
    
11. Be the example. Be a positive example for your kids especially in social situations. Let them see you introducing yourself to new parents and showing that confidence. Children watch everything we do and directly learn from our example. It might not seem like it, but they see everything. You being confident will help them build their own confidence and appropriate social skills.
    
    
12. Become involved in their school experience. I am a working mom and pretty busy, but when my daughter starts school I will absolutely make time to be to school with her. Become involved through PTA or volunteering in a classroom. When they are older let them know you support them by going to all their activities. Make the necessary time for them to show them they are your number one.

There is so much research currently that identifies the negative effects of technology and device usage in children, but what about our families? This blog idea came to me when my own toddler came up to me one day and looked at my computer, said, "Mommy, off," made a motion as if she was about to close my lap top, and grabbed my hand to get me to go play with her. I hadn't realized until that moment but I really had been on my computer a lot that day. How sad that she had to point that out before I even realized that myself. 

How much time are we on our own devices and not spending time with our family? I've also heard from several patients in the past who have mentioned several things such as "I wish the internet had never been invented" because their parents spend so much time sitting on the internet rather than spending time with them. Sometimes those are extreme examples that I hear, but it affects us all still the same. 

Jan Cloninger and Rosemary Strembicki, LCSW posted an article (link here) through huffingtonpost.com that looks at the effects of technology on not only children, but also families. They listed several great questions that we can use to analyze our own usage, but I chose two very powerful questions below and added a few of my own.

* Is family time interrupted because of electronics?
* What kind of messages are you sending to your children about using electronics? 
* How much electronic time is there versus family time?
* What's the first thing you do when you get home? Is it get online or is it speaking with our kids?

They also provided several helpful suggestions for changes that I have made some adaptations to as well.

* Have a basket at your front door to deposit electronic devices. This is for parents and kids. Devices can be allowed after things such as homework are done and dinner is finished to allow more quality time together and to manage priorities appropriately.
* Use this as a teaching tool to help set limits. Kids learn directly from watching parents, set limits for yourself as well as them to  provide an appropriate example.
* Make things such as television or movies a family event to talk about what you've watched and how it relates with family values and beliefs.
* Engage in family conversation more by setting your devices aside. 

Through research and scanning internet pages, I came up with several articles that had great examples of how powerful devices can be and the effects on family - both positive and negative. I have listed them below in case readers are interested in other resources. Ultimately though, what is more important? Our technology or our family? Where can we start to make even the smallest changes to make a difference? I'm definitely no fanatic or a stranger to this problem myself, but I do hope to make my own smaller changes for the strength of my family. Feel free to share any comments or changes you might have made! 

Resources:
How Our Digital Devices are Affecting Our Relationships
Digital Age Affects Family Time and Relationships 
Put Down that Cellphone!

My first ever video blog! Learn about how to spend quality time with children to decrease things such as problem behaviors and other mental health symptoms.

At the beginning of the week I posted a great article about just playing with children. According to a study done by Kansas State University, children do actually learn through playing with their parents. Children can learn about courage, learn they are capable, learn to connect and learn to count.

It's important as parents to spend that one on one time with them without devices and without interruptions so they will be happier and develop into a "mentally healthy adult."

In the spirit of summer coming up, I found several very interesting activities you can do with your children at home! Check out my pinterest page entitled "Kids Stuff" to see activities such as filling eggs with paint and throwing them at canvas, making moon sand, doing ice chalk during the summer, flight school, and sharpie dishes. Important activities with your kids are such that inspire creativity, imagination, and possibly cooperation with others or independent worked. Please leave comments of activities you enjoy with your kids! 

Pinterest page: https://www.pinterest.com/candycane881/kid-stuff/

Referenced article: http://psychcentral.com/news/2015/04/19/improve-parenting-skills-by-remembering-how-to-play/83720.html#.VTWP4NxR_So.facebook

Child abuse is still prevalent in our society today. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. As a social worker, especially one working with children, I feel it is my job to help with awareness to educate and continuously build families. Families are the base of a child's support system and most important when preventing child abuse. Sometimes abuse is unintentional and unseen by us, but obvious to our children who are very sensitive to our acts as parents.

Here are six protective factors we can all focus on to help build our families as identified by the child welfare office. Learning protective factors and making sure we make necessary changes in the home if these things aren't present is important to the prevention of child abuse. 

Nurturing and Attachment
            Show how much you love each other every day by smiling, hugging, listening and talking. Engage in regular activities with your children and become involved in their life. Kids notice your involvement in all aspects of their life.

Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development
            Learn new things about children and learn new things about parenting. Ask questions and subscribe to appropriate info sources. Share what you learn when you learn something new. It also wouldn’t hurt to take parenting classes. I’m the first to admit that I’ve never been a parent before and I need a lot of help! It’s ok to need help sometimes.

Parental Resilience
            Learn to bounce back from challenges. Learn appropriate coping skills for yourself. Take time for yourself to re-energize, share feelings, gain support systems and participate in activities such as exercising.

Social Connections
            Fine people who provide emotional support. Such connections can be neighborhood or church attendants, play groups, or other support groups. Keep yourself connected. Don’t feel like you have to parent by yourself. 

Concrete Supports for Parents
            Meet day to day needs or know where to find help if needed. As I just mentioned, know that you don’t have to parent alone. If you need help find appropriate help from a professional. Find professional support in your areas by calling 2-1-1.

Social and Emotional Competence of Children
            Children need to know they are loved and know they belong. Children also need to learn to get along with others. Regular routines, encouraging problem solving and teaching the importance of feelings and such ways for children to gain this competence.

For more information please visit Children's Bureau's website