Candace Sam, LICSW
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New Year's Resolutions

1/4/2016

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Being the first week of January, most people are working on "New Year's Resolutions." Everyone wants to start the new year with a fresh start. Resolutions are difficult though and a lot of times, things fall flat - maybe even before January is over. Self-talk after this happens is "it's too late" and "it's over" and "why bother?"

Why do we do this? How do we break this cycle?

It’s time to look at your resolutions. Maybe the first step might be to stop calling them resolutions and call them something else. I personally think resolutions becomes a daunting term that most of us know we will never complete. First, call them 'short term' or 'long term goals.'

The second issue is having too many resolutions. We want to be perfect and we want it now! So we have these great things that we want to happen, but honestly it's too much. Break things down and for the first few months at least, just focus on three girls. Once you feel that these are things you have mastered, later in the year work on something else.

Third step is to make your goal measurable. Make it so you can see the change as you go. Or break a larger goal down into achievable steps. This helps to make it seem less daunting or impossible. My goals are always too broad and I become easily overwhelmed by it. 

For example, my number one resolution is always to exercise. That’s a great goal “to exercise” but it doesn’t mean anything. What is my end result? How will I know when I’ve achieved this goal? My personal goal is to exercise at least 5 days a week. To make it more measurable, I’m first going to say “Exercise 15 minutes a day for one week.” That’s something small and entirely achievable. After I’ve achieved that I can increase it to 30 minutes a day and so forth and until I get into a better habit of exercising on a daily basis. 

Fourth step is to make sure to reward yourself for each of your small achievements on your way to your larger goal. So for my example of exercising, after I achieve a week’s worth of exercises I’m going to reward myself and celebrate any success no matter how small. We tend to not give ourselves enough credit for the things that we do achieve. Celebrating your successes will help keep you motivated to your larger goal. 

So what happens if I still can’t make my goal? If somehow I haven’t been able to achieve my smaller goal, this time around I’m not going to give up. I believe in second chances, and that includes for myself. Just start again, and remember to start small! One mistake or a bad week doesn’t mean failure. Just pick up right where you left off.

My number one advice is just to believe in yourself and never give up. Good luck!
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