A recent article posted by Psych Central identifies bullying in teens leads directly to depression as a young adult. See full article here. Researchers attributed up to 30% of depression cases in young adults as researched at Oxford had a direct relation to bullying. 

Bullying is a hard topic to speak about. So far there is no "cure" for bullying. Often times the new "Zero Tolerance Policies" schools have now adopted still don't work as well as they should. How do we both stop and handle this rampant problem?

First understand, what is bullying exactly. Bullying can take the form of physical, verbal or relational repeated behaviors towards another person. Bullying consists of things such as name-calling, teasing, taunting, harassing, stealing, hazing, spreading rumors, excluding people or spreading lies. This can happen in person, or more recently online with cyber bullying. A lot of kids don't realize they are being a bully by doing some of these things and only relate physical aggression as bullying. 

Second, it is important to teach children and adolescents possible reasons why bullying occurs. Bullies themselves often bully other people because they might be jealous, they might gain more popularity, it makes them feel more powerful, they are being bullied or abused themselves, or they are trying to escape from their own problems. There is no excuse for bullying, but sometimes there is a bigger picture.

Third, the victims need to focus in on themselves. Victims should work on building up their self-esteem and appreciating themselves for who they are. Learn to not blame yourself and shoulder that responsibility. Victims never earn or deserve bullying. Victims also should learn appropriate coping skills to handle stress and bullying appropriately in the moment. Look at the big picture and understand what is happening and focus more on the positive to not let it affect internal thoughts and feelings.

So what is your ultimate task list? First of all, always get help. Nobody should have to deal with bullying. Find a teacher or older adult to stop it from happening in the moment. Get a plan in place to handle it. Other things that you could do are simply to walk away and don't show that it affects you. Most bullies will eventually get bored and stop if they do not get the reaction they want. And lastly, remember to use appropriate skills to handle what is going on and not ignore it so it does not ultimately lead to depression later in life. There is help out there, most people just need to find what works for them.

Other helpful references:

HelpGuide.Org
KidsHealth
StopBullying.Gov

All of us deal with many stressors on a daily basis. Some stressors are more difficult to handle than others. On occasion, we lose control and enter a downward spiral; our stress seems to be too much to handle. For those times when your stressors are overwhelming, here is an activity that will help you see you have more control than you think.

1. Get a sheet of paper

2. Draw a line down the middle of your paper

3. On the left side write a list of your stressors. Below are some examples.

a.     Finances
b.     Relationship difficulties
c.     Household tasks such as cooking, cleaning
d.     Work stress
e.     Health related issues
f.      Etc…

4. Look at your list and circle the ones that you can control

Not much to circle is there? Most people find that very few stressors are really within their control. A lot of our stressors happen and are completely out of our control.

5. On the right side of your paper write at least one coping skill/problem solving skills or ways you can handle each stressor you wrote on the left side. An example is below.

a.     Learn to budget, keep practicing, don't give up when if it doesn't work out the first time
b.     Set boundaries, walk away
c.     Make a plan or check list, take breaks
d.     Take breaks and get up to stretch
e.     Go to appointments, take medication as directed, relaxation tips
f.      Etc…

6. Now circle what you can control.

All of them right? The purpose of this exercise is to take control of your stress and understand that it doesn't have to be completely overwhelming. While the events may be out of your control, there are elements of each stressor you can control again.

Did this turn things back in your favor? Hopefully this gives you more power over your stressors and gives you a little more hope when dealing with stressful situations. I have personally completed this activity many times and feel a little more relieved each time about my stressors. Repeat this activity as often as you need because stressors change all the time as well as coping skills.

Take control of your stress, don’t let it control you!

And p.s. You CAN do it! 

This is a technique that is part of Cognitive Behavioral Therapy. It's something that takes practice, but can help people of all ages manage mental health symptoms and difficulties with problems such as depression, anxiety and self-harm.

My first ever video blog! Learn about how to spend quality time with children to decrease things such as problem behaviors and other mental health symptoms.

Today is the last day of Child Mental Health Awareness Week. Mental health awareness is important because stigmas still exist about mental health, especially regarding children. A lot of children and adults never receive the care they need. Here are 7 myths about child mental health taken from Child Mind Institute author Harold Koplewicz, MD.  

1. A child with a psychiatric disorder is damaged for life.

This is absolutely not true. If anything they become better because as a parent or guardian, you have recognized something that they can get treatment for. The goal of treatment is learn to cope effectively so they can handle mental health symptoms as they appear.

2. Psychiatric problems result from personal weakness.

Some mental illness is genetic and some mental illness occurs as a result of difficult situations experienced. Sometimes mental health symptoms appear as weaknesses such as aggressiveness, self-harm, etc when in fact it is what it is - mental illness. Telling children or teenagers to "just stop" or "behave" is not help at all. There needs to be a more personalized treatment in place.

3. Psychiatric disorders result from bad parenting.

Occasionally a child's environment can influence a mental illness but it does not necessarily mean it caused it directly. As mentioned above, there is that element of biology and genetics also involved in the development of a mental illness. Don't blame yourself, instead take the opportunity to be directly involved in treatment and begin to be a part of the solution and change.

4. A child can manage a psychiatric disorder through willpower.

The management of a mental illness or psychiatric disorder is about teaching skills in therapy. Willpower is not one of those skills. If it was that easy, mental illness would not exist. A physical illness requires medication and appropriate care. Mental illness is the exact same way.

5. Therapy for kids is a waste of time.

The most important aspect of therapy is in the relationship between the clinician and the patient. The next most important part is in the technique. Therapy is most often personalized to the client after the therapist decides an an appropriate approach. If you feel like something is not working for you or your children, let the clinician know and they can make a referral to someone else. Therapists want their patients to succeed, not feel that it is a waste of time. Therapy will not be a waste of time if it helps effectively manage mental health symptoms.

6. Children are overmedicated.

Currently I still work in an acute care setting as well as manage an outpatient practice. I can personally attest to the fact that the physicians at the hospital do not use medication first. Medication is another resource and avenue to explore after parents have come in and feel that they have explored other opportunities first. We generally recommend outpatient therapy and learning appropriate skills before turning to medication. Medication is appropriate at times but does not have to be the first option.

7. Children grow out of mental health problems.

The original article said this well, "Children are less likely to grow out of psychiatric disorder than they are to grow into more debilitating conditions." Most people unfortunately do not "grow out" of mental health problems. Some may, but most times mental illness is something that ebbs and flows. It would be more unfortunate for a child to never obtain treatment and learn skills to manage their illness and have worse problems later in life.

Click here for original article.

At the beginning of the week I posted a great article about just playing with children. According to a study done by Kansas State University, children do actually learn through playing with their parents. Children can learn about courage, learn they are capable, learn to connect and learn to count.

It's important as parents to spend that one on one time with them without devices and without interruptions so they will be happier and develop into a "mentally healthy adult."

In the spirit of summer coming up, I found several very interesting activities you can do with your children at home! Check out my pinterest page entitled "Kids Stuff" to see activities such as filling eggs with paint and throwing them at canvas, making moon sand, doing ice chalk during the summer, flight school, and sharpie dishes. Important activities with your kids are such that inspire creativity, imagination, and possibly cooperation with others or independent worked. Please leave comments of activities you enjoy with your kids! 

Pinterest page: https://www.pinterest.com/candycane881/kid-stuff/

Referenced article: http://psychcentral.com/news/2015/04/19/improve-parenting-skills-by-remembering-how-to-play/83720.html#.VTWP4NxR_So.facebook

Child abuse is still prevalent in our society today. April is National Child Abuse Prevention Month. As a social worker, especially one working with children, I feel it is my job to help with awareness to educate and continuously build families. Families are the base of a child's support system and most important when preventing child abuse. Sometimes abuse is unintentional and unseen by us, but obvious to our children who are very sensitive to our acts as parents.

Here are six protective factors we can all focus on to help build our families as identified by the child welfare office. Learning protective factors and making sure we make necessary changes in the home if these things aren't present is important to the prevention of child abuse. 

Nurturing and Attachment
            Show how much you love each other every day by smiling, hugging, listening and talking. Engage in regular activities with your children and become involved in their life. Kids notice your involvement in all aspects of their life.

Knowledge of Parenting and Child Development
            Learn new things about children and learn new things about parenting. Ask questions and subscribe to appropriate info sources. Share what you learn when you learn something new. It also wouldn’t hurt to take parenting classes. I’m the first to admit that I’ve never been a parent before and I need a lot of help! It’s ok to need help sometimes.

Parental Resilience
            Learn to bounce back from challenges. Learn appropriate coping skills for yourself. Take time for yourself to re-energize, share feelings, gain support systems and participate in activities such as exercising.

Social Connections
            Fine people who provide emotional support. Such connections can be neighborhood or church attendants, play groups, or other support groups. Keep yourself connected. Don’t feel like you have to parent by yourself. 

Concrete Supports for Parents
            Meet day to day needs or know where to find help if needed. As I just mentioned, know that you don’t have to parent alone. If you need help find appropriate help from a professional. Find professional support in your areas by calling 2-1-1.

Social and Emotional Competence of Children
            Children need to know they are loved and know they belong. Children also need to learn to get along with others. Regular routines, encouraging problem solving and teaching the importance of feelings and such ways for children to gain this competence.

For more information please visit Children's Bureau's website

“Play is the child’s language.” (Association of Play Therapy)

Play therapy is therapy through the use of toys and playing. Toys are used as a language for children to teach and explore. The purpose of play therapy is to express feelings, work on behaviors and learn appropriate problem-solving and decision making skills. Play therapy also helps kids learn to socialize and relate more to others.

Play therapy closes the communication gap. Younger children are not developed enough to express exactly how they are feeling through languages. What they are saying is expressed and explored through themes that might develop during play therapy. For example, a child who has been in a car accident may crash cars together. Similarly a child experiencing a divorce in the family, issues are seen in how the toys communicate with each other possibly through arguing or yelling.

Play therapy works by children exploring and “playing out” different scenarios until they have resolved or “processed” what is going on. Children are also able to take on different, various roles in plays such as a victim or a super hero. Children are encouraged to play out scenarios in a safe place. Play therapy encourages expression with as few limits as possible. Play therapy research shows this mostly benefits children ages 3 to 12, but play therapy also has beneficial elements that can be used with adolescents and adults. 


Why do I choose play therapy? I personally love play therapy because I’ve seen it work. Kids are much more willing to sit down with providers if they are on the same level. Most kids are unable to sit down and “talk it out” for an entire hour. Play therapy invites a more relaxed setting and can deepen a relationship with the therapist by letting them into the child's world. Play is a child's work, and what better way to work on mental health than using their language.